Once upon a very recent time ago in a dizzy deluded dot com world near to you, a little girl loved a similar sized boy. On one particularly peculiar day, she decided to look into his eyes and wistfully whispered the wish filled words; I love you, straight into his waxy white ear hole.
It’s complicated, he simply replied.
The little girl was confused by his response. Complicated? She asked rhetorically. The most complicated aspect of her languid life was an unfinished rubic cube and her seedy sleuth like attempts to log onto her ex’s facebook page. WTF does complicated mean?
Sadly this soppy sorry story doesn’t have a happy ending, in any sense of the phrase. The little boy refused to expand on his two-word banquet and thus provided no further food for thought. The mentally malnourished girl and verbally constipated boy never did meet again. She was (very temporarily) miserable. And despite kicking the a*se out of their minimalist dialogue, (being female she could never let anything go) she was and to this day still is, unsuccessful in her quest to receive conclusive cubic zirconia evidence what Mr complicato meant by his words. And he? No one ever saw him again to hear his cock and bull style-complicated version of the truth. Legend has it, he became so misdirected by his convoluted road map of complicatedness, dead end lie filled lifestyle and sharp 3-point turn stories, all his friends and family (4 in total) pulled the proverbial handbrake on him. He then was sat on, squashed and swallowed up by a sinister silver and black slimy snake called Simpleton seeker. Then regurgitated as Tom Cruise and his infamous Oprah/sofa/Katie Holmes/Banarama moment. The end – almost.
The moral of this story ladies; if he announces it as being complicated, when in the context of a singletons relationship discussion, this is Russian for RUN. Leg it ladies.
Now I’m done. Again. Well almost.
And so back to reality my cheeky chops children. Here goes my magically revealing master class of what question or statement warrants, an it’s complicated reply. And all because… the lady loves Milk Tray, plus I overheard a conversation in the park today that inspired todays blog. So let’s all get down, dirty and complicated:
Roman Abramovich has a shadow boat armed with ex FBI/CIA agents and won’t permit any staff on his other personal boat, who speak or understand Russian. That’s seriously complicated business going down.
The patients in ‘One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest’ have complicated brains.
To understand why Kerry Katona generates so much media attention is complicated to comprehend.
Getting a dongle to work or transferring data between an old Blackberry to a new one is an excruciatingly complicated process. For me.
And onto describing a relationship as complicated. How would you describe your relationship? Surely not complicated. Please. Anything underpinned by love should be pure and simple. Or am I also being slowly influenced by our new Lauren and Mark era of ‘fake reality TV’ fantasyland? Love and relationships ARE the fragrance and foundation of our lives not drama and deception. Or has my fascination with any film featuring Hugh Grant and a wedding dress, thwarted my perception of reality? No! I will not be derailed. Maybe the couple in the park weren’t in love, hence his reply to her. Perhaps he already had a girlfriend/wife and complicated was referring to his raunchy desire for threesomes. Or the man may have been emotionally afraid of the woman and he was scared of getting involved as his cat would become jealous and the neighbours disgruntled thus causing nationwide economic unrest? Do I need to read ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ again?!
All I know is the park lady has two options, as did the little girl in my story. To stay or to go, following the males complicated revelation. If they choose to stay, it’s complicated may mean the recipient (her) taking a back seat in their journey of love and life. Whatever the reason for the complication may continue to always be a priority, unless the instigator (he) of these two words, decides otherwise. Who wants a back seat in the journey of love and life? Come on ladies! Not me! We deserve a front row, VIP all singing and dancing bejewelled seat. Simply because we are worth it! Life is exciting and imagine sharing it with someone who feels the same! Disclaimer alert: (obvious symptom of my ex US life.) For any man who has the gooneys to admit his life is complicated, but here’s the kicker, he still wants you to be a part of it and to work things out, with you and he at the helm, god damn it; enjoy ladies! Stay with him. I love him for being so hetrosexually honest. Who says life is a bed of roses, Mills and Boon is fiction! BOOM. Enjoy your complicated life, with the man you love. How exciting for both of you!
And if the girl’s take a view and decide to go, to leave him and to turn their back on the one with a complicated something, the park lady and little girl suddenly find themselves in a newly created position: to be able to receive exactly what they deserve. The CEO of It All.
Second disclaimer. Hey, just to be clear married folk reading this. I’m not suggesting for any of you with stress filled and tricky lives that one may occasionally reference as being complicated, to throw forth and fling your rock of a ring out the wide-open window. No of course not! Marriages may and invariably are complicated beasts. This blog is not about you. Jerry Springer and Maury Povich offer some great advice for you bunch of married folk. My blog discussion is aimed at anyone dating, the singletons amongst us, generally referred to, as the unattached nation who may occasionally come face to face with a big bad ugly complicated one. Be he married, a liar or whatever his complicated scenario may be.
Loving someone generally leaves ourselves feeling very vulnerable and exposed, to all the wonderful things being in love may bring to us. Kindness, empathy, understanding and sharing to name but a few. Maybe, the man in the park or the similar sized boy in my story were afraid they would be unable to control the feelings being in love brings about and their openness would leave them feeling scared and vulnerable, maybe out of control. Could they be feeling these emotions and translating them into a complication? Who knows hey? Only they I guess. But the only way I could ever imagine describing my relationship as complicated is if deception and deceit were introduced. I attest complications to situations I have to endure, to which I am unable to apply logic or have limited understanding and control over. Cue my dongle.
And to that inconclusive end, I would like to dedicate this blog to the single love of my lovely little simple life, my son Pierce Alexander. ‘..Darling boy, if you ever utter the words, it’s complicated, to a woman, (unless you’re describing her lingerie or helping her achieve multiple orgasms) Barnardos, here you come my boy. I love you forever.’