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It’s Complicated

Once upon a very recent time ago in a dizzy deluded dot com world near to you, a little girl loved a similar sized boy.  On one particularly peculiar day, she decided to look into his eyes and wistfully whispered the wish filled words; I love you, straight into his waxy white ear hole.

It’s complicated, he simply replied.

The little girl was confused by his response. Complicated?  She asked rhetorically.  The most complicated aspect of her languid life was an unfinished rubic cube and her seedy sleuth like attempts to log onto her ex’s facebook page.  WTF does complicated mean?

Sadly this soppy sorry story doesn’t have a happy ending, in any sense of the phrase.  The little boy refused to expand on his two-word banquet and thus provided no further food for thought.  The mentally malnourished girl and verbally constipated boy never did meet again.  She was (very temporarily) miserable.   And despite kicking the a*se out of their minimalist dialogue, (being female she could never let anything go) she was and to this day still is, unsuccessful in her quest to receive conclusive cubic zirconia evidence what Mr complicato meant by his words. And he?   No one ever saw him again to hear his cock and bull style-complicated version of the truth.   Legend has it, he became so misdirected by his convoluted road map of complicatedness, dead end lie filled lifestyle and sharp 3-point turn stories, all his friends and family (4 in total) pulled the proverbial handbrake on him.  He then was sat on, squashed and swallowed up by a sinister silver and black slimy snake called Simpleton seeker.  Then regurgitated as Tom Cruise and his infamous Oprah/sofa/Katie Holmes/Banarama moment. The end – almost.

The moral of this story ladies; if he announces it as being complicated, when in the context of a singletons relationship discussion, this is Russian for RUN. Leg it ladies.

Now I’m done.  Again. Well almost.

And so back to reality my cheeky chops children.  Here goes my magically revealing master class of what question or statement warrants, an it’s complicated reply.  And all because… the lady loves Milk Tray, plus I overheard a conversation in the park today that inspired todays blog. So let’s all get down, dirty and complicated:

Roman Abramovich has a shadow boat armed with ex FBI/CIA agents and won’t permit any staff on his other personal boat, who speak or understand Russian.  That’s seriously complicated business going down.

The patients in ‘One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest’ have complicated brains.

To understand why Kerry Katona generates so much media attention is complicated to comprehend.

Getting a dongle to work or transferring data between an old Blackberry to a new one is an excruciatingly complicated process. For me.

And onto describing a relationship as complicated.  How would you describe your relationship?  Surely not complicated.  Please.   Anything underpinned by love should be pure and simple.  Or am I also being slowly influenced by our new Lauren and Mark era of ‘fake reality TV’ fantasyland?   Love and relationships ARE the fragrance and foundation of our lives not drama and deception.  Or has my fascination with any film featuring Hugh Grant and a wedding dress, thwarted my perception of reality?  No! I will not be derailed.  Maybe the couple in the park weren’t in love, hence his reply to her.  Perhaps he already had a girlfriend/wife and complicated was referring to his raunchy desire for threesomes.  Or the man may have been emotionally afraid of the woman and he was scared of getting involved as his cat would become jealous and the neighbours disgruntled thus causing nationwide economic unrest?  Do I need to read ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ again?!

All I know is the park lady has two options, as did the little girl in my story.  To stay or to go, following the males complicated revelation.  If they choose to stay, it’s complicated may mean the recipient (her) taking a back seat in their journey of love and life. Whatever the reason for the complication may continue to always be a priority, unless the instigator (he) of these two words, decides otherwise.  Who wants a back seat in the journey of love and life?  Come on ladies!  Not me!  We deserve a front row, VIP all singing and dancing bejewelled seat.  Simply because we are worth it!  Life is exciting and imagine sharing it with someone who feels the same!   Disclaimer alert: (obvious symptom of my ex US life.) For any man who has the gooneys to admit his life is complicated, but here’s the kicker, he still wants you to be a part of it and to work things out, with you and he at the helm, god damn it; enjoy ladies!  Stay with him.  I love him for being so hetrosexually honest.  Who says life is a bed of roses, Mills and Boon is fiction!  BOOM.  Enjoy your complicated life, with the man you love.  How exciting for both of you!

And if the girl’s take a view and decide to go, to leave him and to turn their back on the one with a complicated something, the park lady and little girl suddenly find themselves in a newly created position: to be able to receive exactly what they deserve.  The CEO of It All.

Second disclaimer. Hey, just to be clear married folk reading this.  I’m not suggesting for any of you with stress filled and tricky lives that one may occasionally reference as being complicated, to throw forth and fling your rock of a ring out the wide-open window.  No of course not! Marriages may and invariably are complicated beasts.  This blog is not about you. Jerry Springer and Maury Povich offer some great advice for you bunch of married folk.  My blog discussion is aimed at anyone dating, the singletons amongst us, generally referred to, as the unattached nation who may occasionally come face to face with a big bad ugly complicated one.  Be he married, a liar or whatever his complicated scenario may be.

Loving someone generally leaves ourselves feeling very vulnerable and exposed, to all the wonderful things being in love may bring to us.  Kindness, empathy, understanding and sharing to name but a few.  Maybe, the man in the park or the similar sized boy in my story were afraid they would be unable to control the feelings being in love brings about and their openness would leave them feeling scared and vulnerable, maybe out of control.  Could they be feeling these emotions and translating them into a complication? Who knows hey?  Only they I guess. But the only way I could ever imagine describing my relationship as complicated is if deception and deceit were introduced.  I attest complications to situations I have to endure, to which I am unable to apply logic or have limited understanding and control over.  Cue my dongle.

And to that inconclusive end, I would like to dedicate this blog to the single love of my lovely little simple life, my son Pierce Alexander.  ‘..Darling boy, if you ever utter the words, it’s complicated, to a woman, (unless you’re describing her lingerie or helping her achieve multiple orgasms) Barnardos, here you come my boy.  I love you forever.’



  1. Ayse

    Just to clarify :
    com·pli·cat·ed   [kom-pli-key-tid]
    1.composed of elaborately interconnected parts; complex: complicated apparatus for measuring brain functions.
    2.difficult to analyze, understand, explain, etc.: a complicated problem.

    It amuses me that Facebook has a ‘relationship’ status option as your fore mentioned ‘it’s Complicated’.
    To me, that translates as ‘I don’t know what the hell I am doing in this relationship any more’…and even though I had an arranged marriage, and wed to someone I was introduced to only one month prior and had no interest in, I never used that expression. Glad to say, that after 10 years I freed myself from that marriage, god rest his soul….and NO, it wasn’t my fault. I wonder what status option would have be befitting for me?

    Melissa, I really don’t think you should worry about little Pierce. His lovely mummy will definitely raise him to know better!…….Once again, a great blog x

    • Ayse

      Great ammunition for my ‘Book’…..and that little snippet of my life is just the tip of the iceberg. You’ve heard the sayings: Experience and knowledge equals wisdom….and….What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Hey Ho xx

  2. DavidS

    Hello Melissa I really enjoyed your blog. It resonated with me, but in the reverse. I am 37 and single having almost been destroyed by two previous relationships. I have heard the words ‘its complicated’. They leave you hollow with nothing to hold onto.

    I am told i am complicated. My life experiences are testament to that. Yet i am still standing with a smile. I love openly and honestly, friends and strangers alike. Does past history make you complicated? It’s made me who i am today and i have no regrets. My life now is a simple one, in terms of how i live and conduct myself. One day i will meet a woman who will deserve me. God help her:)

    • Hold onto this: when you meet your one, she won’t give a cat’s fiddle how complicated you are. As long as you’re honest, open and willing to travel your adventure together. Hold each others hands tight and enjoy your ride together David. She’s a comin. Promise

  3. Mike Pearson

    Once told a girlfriend I had been with for some time I loved her. Her reply, “what is love when we think about it?”
    We ended our relationship soon after that. The comment “It’s complicated” falls into that category. I believe that any relationship that gets the response, “it’s complicated’ is a lost cause. A brill blog and very true. Don’t be too harsh on your young man if he ever erred!! Multiple orgasms? What are they??

  4. DavidS

    🙂 thank you Melissa. I may be complicated, but I’m also a man who holds on to old fashioned values of romance. Dying breed? Perhaps, but I like making a lady feel like a lady. That won’t ever change. Keep up the excellent blogs please:)

  5. Melissa, how brave you are. There’s a lot of pain in them their words. The plaisir d’amour very often morphs
    into the chagrin d’amour. However, you have your wonderful Pierce to love you beyond forever. Yes, you paid a high price but when emotions are involved you always have to pay a high cost. The good thing about this is that at least you unearthed a partial truth. Who wants to hear it’s complicated? By no way are you an idiot and that makes it even more insulting.. No trust. The little boy was a spoilt brat and the little girl felt hurt and lonely. The games that were being advocated were so banal and full of self interest. Mel, you have so many talents. Your writing is excellent and I know that you could do something with it. I really enjoy your posts and look forward to them Healing happens. Love always, Aunty C et al. Love you Melissa for always xxxxxx

  6. i had a fairly human and interesting comment listed here…but i deleted it somehow…stupid arent i…it takes a lot of person things to make a way of living you know…to be out there…available as a human being is hard…given the nature of those that dont care for much of what is personal…i would guess you know a lot of those…to my way of thinking, in lots of ways, i think…youre a very singular person…the italain might be the help…and the mix with the partiially concerned british involved somewhere…you gush… i like that…there is a decerning…form of pragmatism too…but not too much…
    personally i dont mind it…when i am bruised…as equally, i dont mind it when thers are…theres always the reason to think about it…take the better road or the one least of value…and i like to watch how some people do that…[this is… way less… of a value comment… than i wrote before…but fate took care of that one…]…good luck…
    oh…your words took me here…

    A pause in moonlight, night
    becomes the shade.
    to entered veils. to
    predispose the light
    once felt, as if
    the sight made all imagining
    and found again,
    to be a part
    of something else, of
    hushed tones
    brushed against, alone and waiting.

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