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It Does What is Says on the Tin.

For my many complexities, the simple constant in my life is I say it as it is. I live by a simple rule; to respond honestly and from my heart and I ask for this in return from my small group of nearest and dearest.   So, ‘you look like a prostitute’ was a perfectly acceptable retort from my pal when I questioned her if my dress was revealing too much cleavage.  On her suggestion, I duly added to my ensemble, an over the shoulder boulder holder style camouflage.  Her candidness is noted and always greatly appreciated.

So today’s question of the day, how many of us really want to hear someone else’s truth or opinion? And are there more acceptable doses of this honesty drug available to be dispensed before a cyanide effect occurs? Kaboom!

I love hearing other people’s perception of what they believe to be the truth and their subsequent opinions, in fact it’s a necessity in my life, as I get confused with yes equals no but maybe type people.   If you can teach me something, then I want to hear from you.  And frankly I love chattering so much, I’ll probably listen to you even if you have Muppet like opinions, but forgive me if  I choose not to hear you. (I now need to illustrate my point by diluting it with some Aqua Seltzer like clarity.)

You all know I hold a special place in my heart for The Donald and I admire his brazen business sense.  But his flaxen mop of heavily lacquered comb overedness does little for me other than bring me out in a fit of giggles.   Would I ask him for hair advice?  Negative, although commercially I’m thinking a Trump hair academy would fill a gap in the fancy dress market. Nor would I ask any of the cast from TOWIE to edit the grammar in this blog. ‘..Ay great innit like…’  The former I may ask about his business prowess and the later I’m thinking fake tans, promiscuity, lack of integrity and compulsion to be famous whilst being devoid of any evident talent.  (Although hats off to the lot of you, I love your shows.)  My point being, different folks offer more relevant opinions than others. Innit.

Now here’s my conundrum.  Must I extend poetic licence in certain situations to avoid peeing on another’s bonfire or am I permitted to say what I feel when asked a direct question?

If you’ve the motivation, have a think about this situation?   My friends dress looked like my son has haphazardly splattered paint all over it via his peachy little bottom.  In fact scratch innocent Pierce from the equation, if Donald Trump’s Boeing 757 rolled over my foot and I then decided to toe paint, imagine the scene.   Not some designer’s finest creation.  ‘Do you like it?’ she asked gleefully  ‘..I’m wearing it tonight..’ I responded genuinely, ‘..Err no.  But you always look beautiful whatever you wear, so you’ll look great.’ And I meant it from the bottom of my TKMaxx styled heart. Yet her face dropped like a premier league footballer’s boxer shorts infront of his less significant other half and I immediately sensed I’d offended.  Ugh.

To say I was confused is to describe the hunch back of Notre Dam as visually rewarding. So here’s my first lightbulb moment: If I call you, I want to speak and probably chew the fat with you.  If I text or email I want to get to the point and keep in touch.  If I ask you a question, please give me your answer.  Black, white, yes, no and I’ve bought this ethos through to my newly complicated life.  Yet it seemed my lovely friend has been taking lessons from the original Mrs. yes but no but, maybe Vicky Pollard. Essentially she was asking me a hypothetical question, a question not requiring an answer.   She was looking for validation and reassurance vs. my opinion, hence the disappointment when I delivered my Judge Judy style opinion. Such complexity confuses the hell out of me.   Why not ask me for reassurance and validation and I’ll happily deliver it in bucket loads?!  Truth and honesty is simplest yes but no but maybe?!  Onwards.

With my patience firmly back in tact and my love for my friend always available I continue this exploration of others opinions and start to think about George Clooney, the official God of men.  Sorry women.   I love George’s honesty.  He’s put it out there, his bottom line.   No marriage or babies, this is his truth/opinion/deal, he will not settle for anything less which I’m assuming in this instance, less would be a legally binding contract and a couple of ankle biters. Sorry, Elisabetha and your article about wanting babies and a family, but the writings on his wall in Lake Como and if you struggle with understanding his American words, use Babel fish.  Parlez Anglaise?!  The man has a live $40k bet with Michelle Phfeiffer and Nicole Kidman, he won’t marry or have cooing Clooney babies.  (Hey did anyone read the footnotes about men?) I don’t like to think of any other human, animal or goddess suffering, but surely she’s a dose of self-inflicted delusion?  George spelt out his needs and wants, loud and proud, yet still Miss Hottiebottotie ends up in tears.   Do you think Elisabetha needs to appreciate others also have an opinion and it aint just her way or she’ll be out on the proverbial highway?  Second lightbulb moment (particularly for any Elisabetha types): Everyone has their own personal dream and quit with the controlling behaviour.  Way too complicated.

So isn’t the moral of, my way too long winded, terribly convoluted tale:  If we’re honest and genuine with our opinions and  feelings,  life will become a whole  lot simpler.  (Unless you date an Elisabetha)  What do you want?  What do I want?  A simple starting point scholars.  Less heartache, more laughter and joy! Bring it on in beach bucket loads.   Although judging by the recent images in the Mail, where Elisabetha is pictured propelling her being from offa Sunseeker yacht into the aqua marine coloured Med. and into the arms and lips of her devilishly handsome ex.  She appears to be getting over it and it seems is much more comfortable about George’s honest opinion’s. Sweet.

And now I’ll close with a KISS to you from me.  But mine involves no tongues, hot ex’s or super yachts, just a short message:

Keep It Simple Stupid.

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10 Comments

  1. Tom

    It’s all in the context. It’s simple enough when I am asked for a professional opinion because brutal honesty is clearly called for. But when asked about my clearly unprofessional opinion about a dress or God forbid, shoes, especially when it’s too late to change, well then I employ the wisdom of this quote: “Today I bent the truth to be kind, and I have no regret. Because I am much more certain of what is kind than I am of what is true.”

    P.S. Well done.

  2. Ayse

    I detest the ‘arse about face’ approach when it comes to asking for an opinion, and yes sometimes the truth does hurt some people. If its about what I’m wearing for example, I’d rather hear the truth than go out looking like a numpty.But what it comes down to for me is, do I lie when I’m asked for an opinion or gloss over what I think so as not to offend. In doing so, go against my own values of honesty, then feel really crap about it. Or just simply say what I really think and hope my candidness is appreciated regardless of the content? My view is take honest road. If you really did’nt want my opinion, then don’t ask. Also, when it comes to feelings, truth is also paramount. I love the quote by Benjamin Disreali : “Never apologise for your feelings, in doing so you apologize for the truth”. Just thought I’d get that bit in. At this point I really hope I don’t fit into the muppet catagory. If I do, I want you to be honest with me….. without a dash of cake sprinkles, or as Miss Piggy as your choice of muppet! x

    • I love the Benjamin quote. That’s one thing I get pulled up on in my relationships..I like to share my feelings and my partners seem to prefer not! Herm, what can I take from this?

      • Ayse

        I think the not sharing of feelings is a common ‘man’ thing. If you were to have a female partner however, you may not be able to get a word in edge ways. A dilema that I’m sure you won’t be faced with. But I do think that most women are more expressive when it come to sharing feelings. I could be wrong?…nah!….ps I think that The Donalds hair resembles compressed tumbleweed. See, point proven, I had no difficulty sharing that.

  3. Ricky

    That post not only made total sense, but made me chuckle too. Question: Isn’t an Inuit an eskimo? Either way, I’m going to start peppering my conversations with it, inuit.

  4. Jill

    If I like the dress I’m wearing, I won’t ask for an opinion because I don’t need the validation. If I ask, it’s because I am uncertain and abso-freaking-lutely depend on your honesty to protect me from wearing my mothers drapes to dinner. To quote someone very wise “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen”. Don’t ask a question unless you’re prepared to hear the answer I always say. What’s with all the quotes???

    xo

    • Ayse

      It’s becoming a quotes fest! Here’s another.

      “Adults are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up….because they are looking for ideas” – Paula Poundstone.

  5. Ernest

    I enjoyed your last blog very much. Perhaps a definition of friendship is a state of honesty and truthfulness between people. When a host asks whether I like the dinner she has cooked, I try not to lie if it is truly awful. However, I wrap up the truth in a fair amount of tact!

    People tend to look for reasons to bolster their opinions. Imagine someone is determined to prove that all swans are white. He goes to the river bank and starts observing. Twenty swans – and all white. Over a period of months he has counted tens of thousands of white swans on many river banks and not seen any of another colour.

    But what a waste of time. If he’d simply posted online, “Has anyone seen a non-white swan? If so, where?” he would have saved himself a lot of time. And would have discovered that his original proposition that all swans are white is false.

    So it’s often a good idea to look for evidence that, if found, will disprove one’s proposition or belief. Yet human beings tend to do the exact opposite. Football fans, religious believers and others often try to bolster their beliefs rather than to question them. By doing so, the cause of truth is poorly served.

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