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The Meaning of Life.

I’m curious what the word inspiring means for you?  For a word to mean something to you, at some point you’ll have chosen to attach a story or belief to it to give your unique flavor, spice and seasoning.  My meaning of the word inspirational is awarded to any human who has overcome adversity by identifying a learned pattern of limiting behavior within of themselves, replacing it and then using their transformation to inspire others. My inspirational male tribe include; Tony Robbins, Grant Cardone and Ryan Blair. I’m curious what you view as inspirational?  Money? Looks? Type of school attended?  Some believe inspirational is a feeling while others associate it with objects.

 

You see there’s no right and wrong answer or meaning you can attach to any word.  What’s important is that you’re clear on the meaning –  you –  attach to words and situations.  Why?  Well the meaning you chose to attach can affect the quality of your life including your happiness.  Yes.  The meaning you chose to attach to a word will impact on your happiness and feeling fulfilled.   How?

 

Imagine these meanings (thoughts/beliefs/stories) of words swimming around in your body, like a pool filled with many different words. Now Imagine them all collectively hurtling down a windy wet water slide and watch for what pops out the other end in a gigantic splash!  It’s your choices.  Whoosh!  Our thoughts/meanings/stories and beliefs inspire our choices.  Simple.  So, each day we make thousands of choices, including simple ones that see us choosing whether we wish to take the fast pool slide, the bumpy version or to skip the slide all together.   It’s from these choices and our unique ride through the slide of our thoughts/meanings/beliefs and stories, we end up attracting specific experiences and certain types of people.

 

Let’s again continue with your meaning of inspirational.  If you were running the story (meaning/thought/belief) that to be inspiring equated to how much money you earn and you had made a choice to live as a nomad in a ram shackled caravan and off the welfare you might see how this incongruence would affect your happiness and wellbeing.  You’d spend your days judging and blaming yourself that you’ll never come to anything of value in your life.  That ‘inspirational’ people live in million dollar houses and not caravans.  Which is why it’s so important to challenge your thoughts/meanings/beliefs and stories to ensure they are of your unique flavor and not acquired from your parents/society etc.  The nomad was living a life created via an unstable foundation of faulty thinking.  He will never achieve true happiness as clearly his meaning/thoughts/beliefs/stories of what is inspirational, were learned from someone else and not of his own flavor.

 

Find your own flavors friends and avoid the infirm foundation of faulty thinking.

 

 

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How are You?

 

 

 

How are you?  Perhaps you’re at a point in life where you feel fulfilled and on track or maybe you feel stuck, angry, disappointed and frustrated?  Imagine if I told you it’s possible each day to feel like you’re the best of British, (regardless of your geographic origins.). Would you like to wake up each morning and just as your feet hit the floor, the excitement of your new day begins to build up inside of you?

It is possible, to each day feel like your best version of self and here’s some of my most favourite life hacks:

 

  • Accept that life will be filled with challenges, people and situations that push your buttons. The quality of your life will be determined by the quality of your thinking in relation to these.
  • Understand life is a journey and the quality of your experience of this journey is the way you choose to approach life each minute of each day. Grumpy or grateful?
  • Become aware that the way you approach life is based upon your choices. To make no choice in a situation is a choice.  Your choices will be affected depending whether your thoughts are based on fear and scarcity or power and trust.
  • Consider the perspective we are not shaped by our environment but instead by the choices we make. The choices we make are inspired by our thoughts.  When we chose, love fueled thoughts e.g. powerful and with the knowledge we are safe and protected, our choices are affected positively and vice versa.
  • Our thoughts are personal to us and we can control, replace and challenge our thoughts. Some of our thoughts are learned from our childhood and once we become increasingly aware of which thoughts no longer serve us, we can replace with others that do.
  • To become increasingly aware of our thoughts we quiet our mind through various techniques such as meditation, walking in nature, eliminating sugar, stress and processed food from our lives. We exercise regularly and surround ourselves with people who inspire and support our transformation into daily happiness.  We choose to eliminate gossip, blame, shame and judgment from our life.  These are actions and behavior born from fear filled thoughts and don’t serve our bigger picture of achieving daily happiness.
  • Understand no is a complete sentence and you’re not required to justify or explain yourself unless you wish
  • Doing what you love and spending money and time on yourself is not selfish. Au contraire, it’s a selfless act of love that will see you become increasingly able to offer others more love and kindness because of your refreshed and fulfilled self.

 

I’m looking forward to bumping into your best self around Cheshire.  Much love and light.

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The Truth about Men

One of my most passionate projects is parenting my son, Pierce.  As a busy single working mum, trained in behavior, I’m hyper aware of the negative, potentially life changing, impact that other people’s unsolicited, often well intended, truths and stories, can have on the emotional wellbeing of a human.

 

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What I know is adults do not generally have relationship and work challenges.  The real challenge? Unresolved childhood issues.  At a point during your childhood, you’ll have listened to someone else’s unsolicited truth and story and likely because they were in a position of authority e.g. parent, teacher, media, you decided to believe it as your truth and to assume it as your own.  This acquired story and set of beliefs then acts as a filter through which your thoughts and choices are processed via and unless challenged they become our neurological rules right through into our adult lives.  Boom.

 

‘..Man up..’  ‘..Boys don’t cry..’  ‘..Real men..’  Are among a few of my favourite learned stories and ‘truths’ I’ve heard people verbally vomit over each other’s souls with.   None of us are perfect and I too slip into moments of unconscious learned limiting ways of being.   But know, the emotional damage, for a child to be branded with these words, may affect their future relationships and self-esteem as an adult.   I see it in my coaching practice daily.  An increase in the number of powerfully vulnerable men who have had enough.  Tired of playing a role, society has historically deemed as ‘normal’ that no longer fits with the flow and freedom of modern life.

 

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  • Being told that ‘real men’ open doors, pay for dinner and hold your skis. Truth alert. Ditch your expectations and mutually agree rules unless you’re being paid for by the hour.

 

  • Being told that men are rubbish at communicating. Truth alert. All humans are unique and communicate differently. Accept and love each other’s differences. Use patience and compassion to resolve and appreciate differences.  Regardless of gender.

 

  • Being told it’s not OK for a man to get angry or to cry. Truth alert. Anger is merely an expression of unmet needs.  A visceral reaction to a physical feeling in the body of being misunderstood or unclear about what to do or say next.  I salute angry people who are taking responsibility for their feelings and seeking to understand themselves. To cry is to be emotionally connected and powerful.  It’s a physical cleansing of our being.  Bottled up emotions may result in physical violence, self-loathing and ultimately low self-esteem and depression.

 

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If someone has an opinion about you, know that it’s based on their limited perspective and understanding of themselves.  Most people don’t understand themselves.  My general rule of thumb: take other people’s opinions with a pinch of salt.  Then proceed to chuck it over your shoulder far far away.

 

 

 

 

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Is Fashion Flawless?

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Two of my favourite fashionable folk are Lady Gaga and the late Steve Jobs. You might be thinking I’ve lost my marbles?  Gaga chooses to wear bacon while the late Gates showed up like he had no bacon.   In our fast-paced and often fickle world that sees fashion inspired colours and collections being replaced each season I’m most impressed by those individuals who play with their own unique style according to how it enhances their personality.   They appear to use apparel and accessories to embody and express the values they chose to live by.   I applaud those free styling outliers, who chose to be less influenced by the fear inspired way many of us appear to consume fashion.

Frills, metallic, studs and neons are all fun clothing embellishments and styles that embody the essence of fashion at different times.   But when this frilly fun factor is then cloaked by a commercial fear based agenda designed to make people subconsciously feel excluded and different e.g. not normal (mass populous fear is inspired through inducing feelings of lack, shame and self-loathing e.g. you are not good enough,) this is precisely what I don’t love about this industry. I am aware the fashion industry is a business whose objective is to drive sales, but this strategy is seemingly dismissive and disrespectful of the sometimes-related negative effect on men and women’s self-esteem and other associated behavioural challenges such as eating disorders and bullying.  The fashion magazines are notorious for featuring   computer enhanced images of slim line models. Why?  With the intention of shaming their audiences into believing the average size 14/16 is not ‘normal’.  I don’t love that I’m shamed into believing my breasts   are not ‘normal’ as are unable to defy gravity as per their featured super slim line model.  These stylized images tend to be coupled with a fear based sales story, designed to again subconsciously influence us into making a product purchase.  Offering an impartial blow by blow explanation why this seasons new push up, balconette beauty of a bra is a must have.  Right now!  You must have it!  Cue the mass panic to buy before this heavily featured item sells out or before the young kids in Bangladesh need to take a rest from the production lines which will then impact on supplies into stores.   Don’t forget the must have, pull me in, waist high revolutionary designed denim jeans never been seen before on anyone other than the legend of Taylor Swift.  Both jean and bra items are made available with frills, studs and a splash of neon.  Phew.  I wouldn’t want to stand out and be perceived as being unique in any form that sees me as individual and different.

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Please don’t misunderstand me, I love feeling elegant.  I love great quality and well-fitting clothes.  What I don’t love is a commercial engine such as the fashion industry, shaming me into feeling like I’m not enough. Not thin enough.  Not cool enough. Not ruffled or metallized enough.

Enough is enough.  I am enough.  As are you.  Even when wearing four seasons old apparel with colours that serve to enhance the mood I wish to evoke for my day, vs colours, styles and shapes the brands have decided to make us feel we need to purchase from them.

(Feck fashion) If you can be anything, be a unique and individual version of you.  You’re incredible.

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Property Paradoxes

Some of you may be familiar with me from my days hosting property shows for different television channels.  Or perhaps I designed or bought a house for, or from you.  I’m obsessed with home design and would rather shop for property, than for clothes any day of the week.

 

My other passion, aside from property is people and their behaviour.   You might be surprised, but it’s possible to glean a lot of information about the way someone choses to live, from their choice of interiors.  Listen up.

 

The Elle decoration sheeples;

This tribe follow trends. To a T. Last season’s antique whites are replaced with the current trend for stiffkey blue and will soon be a distant memory once rose gold hits the stores.   This crew possess little creative imagination other than hiding Selfridges and Totties receipts from their significant others.  A lack of creativity is overshadowed by their resourcefulness to walk into select furniture ateliers (now world famous thanks to the unsung heroes of the design world aka Man. U and City footballers.) and to purchase entire staged furniture sections to reproduce as part of their regional version of Versailles.

 

These homes are ergonomically easy on the eye and aesthetically uncomfortable.  The bricks and mortar design/interiors are wired for admiration vs relaxation.  The sofas set the tone with their Botox inspired taut and wrinkle free appearance.  (That only a prick feels comfort from.)  With their surfaces, pristine and free of impact from the human torso, this is a home designed to be photographed by OK magazine.  Admired by individuals who consider money as an important measure of a person’s success.  The domain of the maleficent marriage.

 

The mismatched mosh pit;

This tribe set up their home as an invitation to love.  Colors and schemes are decided upon based on the inhabitant’s different individual’s needs and desires.  Pictures scatter atop tables, nestled within beloved frames that form memories of times spent experiencing precious moments.  Bed linen and sofas are purchased to inspire relaxation or sensuality depending on whose where and when.  Room layouts are dictated by the flow and feel of the humans who live and breathe within of its walls.  This home is a pulsating muscle that draws on love and good vibes.  With flowers and candles spilling their scents around randomly to remind every crevice it’s loved. The owners of the M and M pit, see their home as an opportunity to live, laugh and love within of it.

 

So, if you’re starting a relationship or new friendship and spot their sofa, I encourage you to take a pew and have a squish. (And please do be mindful to avoid the pricks.)

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Dream Holiday

Imagine today you wake up from your delicious slumber to discover you won a holiday.  Hoorah? For some, a vacation is considered as a stressful time.  So, I’m creating some rules to ensure your trip is inspired based on you getting what you need.  Architecture? Adventure or perhaps relaxation?  Whatever makes your heart sing, you got it.

 

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The rules; your budget is unlimited; you can take whomever you wish and there will be no consequences.  No one will judge you, blame or shame you.   You can travel wherever you wish in the world and for however long you chose.  (Please do drop your travel goal details in the comments section below this column.  Stay anonymous if it serves you).

 

This exercise involves you creating a personal reality based on what you need and want right now. I’ll go first.

 

I’m drawn to being quiet and tranquil.  It’s been a busy start to the year with my training and various business interests and my wish is to be enveloped within a place of wellbeing and warm energy.  I’d chose to travel with a fellow coach who embodies my same values of calm and compassion.  We’re both believers in the value of freedom and honor this within ourselves and each other. I’ve heard of an incredible wellbeing spa in Arizona called Miraval spa that is favored by Oprah and other spiritual beings.  It sits along one of the most powerfully energetic fault lines in our planet which has a whole range of health benefits. I’d chose for us to travel first class and to recharge for 7 days, door to door. Boom.

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I’m also feeling like a little romance and would love to travel to the Hamptons in America with my love.  To sit and be silly together alongside the shoreline at Sag harbor.  Watching the boats bobbing across the wiggly waves.  To tuck into a fizzy glass of rose champagne and a lobster roll while seated at one of their beachside elegant restaurants.  Chatting, being silly and laughing about life, for 3 days.

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I’d then take the jet to Florida and meet my beautiful son where we’d tour Disney land with his nanny, my mother and our favorite friends and family.  All expanses paid for and unlimited ice-cream.  We’d sleep in the Disney themed hotel, dress up in silly Mickey ears and zip around the park doing whatever my son wishes for.   This is a time for connection and fun.  Watching and learning more about what floats Pierce’s boats and makes him laugh from his belly.  4 days.

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This is my version of romance.  When I’m as real as possible is when I feel alive and filled with love.  And when you’re not, it creates enormous unhappiness.

 

Happy travels.

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Sticking to your New Year Resolutions

 

 

images-9.jpegHow are your New Year resolutions working out?  Are they starting to feel like a January to do list instead of goals?  Goals that by hook or by crook you’re going to smash at a defined moment in time because of detailed steps you devised to lock in that loving feeling? That loving feeling you get when you visualized your goal including potential obstacles you’re bound to come up against?  (That loving feeling involves you getting clear on the reason why? your goal is so important for you to achieve.)

 

Did you go boom or was it a bust with this year’s resolutions?  For any busts, the reason is simple to remedy should you desire.  You failed to get detailed and to define your reason why? – you didn’t want it bad enough.  These ingredients are the key to your success in achieving your goals.  The reason you may be either struggling or have already given up is because you made a resolution and didn’t get specific and you didn’t get clear on why it was so important to you to achieve what you set out to do or be.

 

You were wooly with your wishes and your why? and pussies generally don’t prosper. OK

 

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I’m not here to shame or judge you and equally I’m not interested in dragging anyone towards their goal who doesn’t want it more than me.  I’m not perfect and what I do have is years of experience getting is so wrong that it eventually led me to the path of understanding the right way that works for me and maybe also for you too.   So, for anyone who hasn’t learned the right way to smash a goal and wants to learn, stay tuned. You’re in.

 

First step.  You need to want to achieve what you want more than anything else.  Become obsessed.  If you put a value against how much you want it and it’s less than 10/10 forget about it.  I want it for you 10/10 and you need to want it more than I want it for you if you’re serious about achieving that goal.  Take a mini moment right now and recall a time when you wanted something so bad.  Maybe it’s the dream job or you retrained in something that gave you goose bumps thinking about.  Think back to the process.  You have moments when you feel you’re going slightly crazy as can think of nothing else.  You start to live and breathe your vision and anyone you talk to becomes ideal for you to share the minutia details with.  And I’ll bet you got what you wanted.  All these threads of thinking and doing will lead you to reveal and get clear on your why?  Being obsessed and detailed is what it takes to achieve your goals.  Action vs procrastination. Decisions vs indecisiveness.

 

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I recently spoke with a chap about what he wanted from a relationship and after he offered me up the general blancmange of being happy, loving, loyal wa-wa I asked him to de-chunk each requirement.  De-chunk?  Yes, getting specific with your personal goals as well as work goals is how any goal needs to rock and roll if you want to win it.  I’ve never known a fulfilled billionaire who got rich and content by having a wish washy why? and a woolly goal.    Fulfilled billionaires de-chunk daily.  They identify the end goal and work back to include the potential ways this might fail as well as succeed. They get detailed and in touch with the way they’ll feel different, when they achieve what they set out to. They understand their reason why? They have a clear and detailed set of plans and action points to get what they want.   For this to work, the goal needs to be attached to a time frame and it’s key to choose to be held accountable by reporting related progress at different junctures.

 

Finally, being rich, happy or thin is not a goal; £684 million in 5 years, having weekly therapy and decluttering friends with bad attitudes towards your work wa-wa, is the start of a juicy goal.  Keep going with the details and write it all down.

 

 

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Simply saying you want to get thin, rich, be happy, quit smoking is not going to cut it.  Close your eyes for a minute and imagine Usain Bolt and his goal.  Do you imagine on 31st December he writes it down on a napkin, scrunches it into his pocket, sits back down and tucks back into a 7000-calorie piled plate of Iceland canapes?  I don’t think so.  To be named one of the world’s best athletes you have the mindset of a winner.  Usain Bolt will embody inside of himself all that is required to get what he wants externally from himself.  What does embody inside of himself mean?  His choices, intentions and thoughts will be laser focused towards supporting his commitment to him achieving his goal.  Do you imagine Usain having friends around him that want him to fail and seek to tempt him to skip training sessions?  I don’t think so.  His choice of friends will be recruited based around his desire to want to honor his goals.  Usain has integrity running through his blood and seeks to walk his talk by ensuring his life choices and thoughts all serve to support his bigger picture of his goals and dreams.  Surround yourself with supporters and get clear and resonant on your why?

 

Anything other than a clean mind and clean living serves to distract the matter of goal setting.

 

If you can be anything…adopt a clean mindset and clean living style like Usain Bolt.