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Evolution Explained via Behaviour

Some of the latest behavioural trends I’ve spotted sweeping our picturesque planet include the following feast of flavours;

 

1/Listening to understand.  Record numbers of people are taking the opportunity to shut up and listen so that they are better able to understand the needs of others.  Why?  They genuinely are seeking to connect to each other though the progressive movement of improved communications. Active listening is an epidemic spreading through Government’s and political establishments.   Filtering through to households around the world seeing the number of divorces and legal disputes slide to an all-time low.

 

2/To understand that everyone is dealing with some battle we don’t know about and to choose not to take the actions, words and behaviour of others personally.   People have been spotted all around the country displaying compassion to what history has chronicled as ‘angry’ types. This compassion filled movement is inspiring ‘angry’ types to seek therapeutic help for further behavioural intervention techniques. The effect is affecting the GDP (now measured by happiness levels) in 72% of countries worldwide.

 

3/Humans are choosing to take responsibility for their actions and feelings vs. blaming, shaming and judging others.  The effect is to observe a surge in increasingly fulfilled humans who are making better relationship choices. Better food and work choices and generally are more passionate and optimistic about life’s possibilities.

 

4/Record numbers of humans are understanding that a thought is a set of stories and beliefs and is something that can be changed as desired.  There’s a surge in faith and love fuelled thoughts that are encouraging and inspiring more passion fuelled choices and having a positive effect on the environment’s that people are choosing to immerse themselves in.  Fear based archaic survival based thoughts are soon to be awarded a place in the British museum next to the long extinct Dodo.

 

5/Parents, teachers and the media are inspiring kids and each other how to think vs what to think.  This is encouraging a trend of passionate and creative humans who are able to think outside of the box and advance evolution, technology and human life.

 

6/Adversity and problems are being perceived as gifts, that are designed to enhance our emotional wellbeing through the consideration of alternative perspectives and the acceptance that what is here now, is perfect for our journey.

 

7/Gratitude and appreciation is recognised as being the most effective technique to achieve fulfilment in one’s self and life.  Regardless of the judgment and assumptions we attach to a situation, millions of humans are engaging in the practice of gratitude to achieve peace and power in any given moment.

 

8/Kindness is considered a powerful way of being and no longer regarded as a weakness.

 

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The Art of Romance

 

I was recently in NYC at an elegant gallery soiree and walked slap straight into a man who caused my heart to stop momentarily.  In that starry encounter, I thought to myself I may never see him again but that same moment also reminded me that chemistry absolutely exists between two humans.  A scintillating, exhilarating exchange and a reminder of what is possible.  It was even more of a surprise when he suggested taking me for lunch in Cheshire over the coming weekend and an even more delicious surprise when he arrived just as he had promised.  Artful romance?

 

For me, the words and promises made by this man were not what I considered romantic.   What was fresh, new and romantic was his choice to follow them up with positive action.  He chose to follow through on his word, taking them from what could have been left at empty and hollow to instead creating an entire plethora of progressive possibilities.   The sort of man who can take an empty word and fil it with the authentic and messy magic of integrity inspired actions –  I consider to be romantic.  Romantic?  Indeed.

 

‘. But where are the shoes, flowers and handbags?’  I hear you call.

 

A slap-up dinner, designer handbag or bunch of blooms has historically been considered a romantic gesture and I challenge you to rethink if this is always truthful.  Potentially this ‘romantic gift’ concept has become somewhat prehistoric; it can be viewed as one dimensional and sometimes misleading.    Picture the scene; an oversized orange box tied with a black bow is received and contains a gorgeous grey calfskin Hermes handbag.  All nestled cozily within the swathes of the brand’s exquisite tissue paper.  As I opened what many might consider a box of magic, I instead felt I was viewing a can of ugly wiggly worms.  Worms?  Did I consider any part of this massive £4,000 gesture romantic?  No! It was sent to me after I’d discovered my then partner’s infidelities by way of a quick fix apology.  Therapy, I would have considered a romantic gesture.  Personal development with the intention of getting to the root of the challenge I applaud.  But plastering over a wound with a simple to buy and expensive gift is not romantic. See the difference?

 

The art of romance begins and ends with loving multi-dimensional intentions. Love is truthful, Love is patient, Love is kind, love is honest and love is filled with integrity.  These words for me embody the true art of romance.  Much love to you all.

 

 

 

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The Meaning of Life.

I’m curious what the word inspiring means for you?  For a word to mean something to you, at some point you’ll have chosen to attach a story or belief to it to give your unique flavor, spice and seasoning.  My meaning of the word inspirational is awarded to any human who has overcome adversity by identifying a learned pattern of limiting behavior within of themselves, replacing it and then using their transformation to inspire others. My inspirational male tribe include; Tony Robbins, Grant Cardone and Ryan Blair. I’m curious what you view as inspirational?  Money? Looks? Type of school attended?  Some believe inspirational is a feeling while others associate it with objects.

 

You see there’s no right and wrong answer or meaning you can attach to any word.  What’s important is that you’re clear on the meaning –  you –  attach to words and situations.  Why?  Well the meaning you chose to attach can affect the quality of your life including your happiness.  Yes.  The meaning you chose to attach to a word will impact on your happiness and feeling fulfilled.   How?

 

Imagine these meanings (thoughts/beliefs/stories) of words swimming around in your body, like a pool filled with many different words. Now Imagine them all collectively hurtling down a windy wet water slide and watch for what pops out the other end in a gigantic splash!  It’s your choices.  Whoosh!  Our thoughts/meanings/stories and beliefs inspire our choices.  Simple.  So, each day we make thousands of choices, including simple ones that see us choosing whether we wish to take the fast pool slide, the bumpy version or to skip the slide all together.   It’s from these choices and our unique ride through the slide of our thoughts/meanings/beliefs and stories, we end up attracting specific experiences and certain types of people.

 

Let’s again continue with your meaning of inspirational.  If you were running the story (meaning/thought/belief) that to be inspiring equated to how much money you earn and you had made a choice to live as a nomad in a ram shackled caravan and off the welfare you might see how this incongruence would affect your happiness and wellbeing.  You’d spend your days judging and blaming yourself that you’ll never come to anything of value in your life.  That ‘inspirational’ people live in million dollar houses and not caravans.  Which is why it’s so important to challenge your thoughts/meanings/beliefs and stories to ensure they are of your unique flavor and not acquired from your parents/society etc.  The nomad was living a life created via an unstable foundation of faulty thinking.  He will never achieve true happiness as clearly his meaning/thoughts/beliefs/stories of what is inspirational, were learned from someone else and not of his own flavor.

 

Find your own flavors friends and avoid the infirm foundation of faulty thinking.

 

 

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How are You?

 

 

 

How are you?  Perhaps you’re at a point in life where you feel fulfilled and on track or maybe you feel stuck, angry, disappointed and frustrated?  Imagine if I told you it’s possible each day to feel like you’re the best of British, (regardless of your geographic origins.). Would you like to wake up each morning and just as your feet hit the floor, the excitement of your new day begins to build up inside of you?

It is possible, to each day feel like your best version of self and here’s some of my most favourite life hacks:

 

  • Accept that life will be filled with challenges, people and situations that push your buttons. The quality of your life will be determined by the quality of your thinking in relation to these.
  • Understand life is a journey and the quality of your experience of this journey is the way you choose to approach life each minute of each day. Grumpy or grateful?
  • Become aware that the way you approach life is based upon your choices. To make no choice in a situation is a choice.  Your choices will be affected depending whether your thoughts are based on fear and scarcity or power and trust.
  • Consider the perspective we are not shaped by our environment but instead by the choices we make. The choices we make are inspired by our thoughts.  When we chose, love fueled thoughts e.g. powerful and with the knowledge we are safe and protected, our choices are affected positively and vice versa.
  • Our thoughts are personal to us and we can control, replace and challenge our thoughts. Some of our thoughts are learned from our childhood and once we become increasingly aware of which thoughts no longer serve us, we can replace with others that do.
  • To become increasingly aware of our thoughts we quiet our mind through various techniques such as meditation, walking in nature, eliminating sugar, stress and processed food from our lives. We exercise regularly and surround ourselves with people who inspire and support our transformation into daily happiness.  We choose to eliminate gossip, blame, shame and judgment from our life.  These are actions and behavior born from fear filled thoughts and don’t serve our bigger picture of achieving daily happiness.
  • Understand no is a complete sentence and you’re not required to justify or explain yourself unless you wish
  • Doing what you love and spending money and time on yourself is not selfish. Au contraire, it’s a selfless act of love that will see you become increasingly able to offer others more love and kindness because of your refreshed and fulfilled self.

 

I’m looking forward to bumping into your best self around Cheshire.  Much love and light.

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The Truth about Men

One of my most passionate projects is parenting my son, Pierce.  As a busy single working mum, trained in behavior, I’m hyper aware of the negative, potentially life changing, impact that other people’s unsolicited, often well intended, truths and stories, can have on the emotional wellbeing of a human.

 

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What I know is adults do not generally have relationship and work challenges.  The real challenge? Unresolved childhood issues.  At a point during your childhood, you’ll have listened to someone else’s unsolicited truth and story and likely because they were in a position of authority e.g. parent, teacher, media, you decided to believe it as your truth and to assume it as your own.  This acquired story and set of beliefs then acts as a filter through which your thoughts and choices are processed via and unless challenged they become our neurological rules right through into our adult lives.  Boom.

 

‘..Man up..’  ‘..Boys don’t cry..’  ‘..Real men..’  Are among a few of my favourite learned stories and ‘truths’ I’ve heard people verbally vomit over each other’s souls with.   None of us are perfect and I too slip into moments of unconscious learned limiting ways of being.   But know, the emotional damage, for a child to be branded with these words, may affect their future relationships and self-esteem as an adult.   I see it in my coaching practice daily.  An increase in the number of powerfully vulnerable men who have had enough.  Tired of playing a role, society has historically deemed as ‘normal’ that no longer fits with the flow and freedom of modern life.

 

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  • Being told that ‘real men’ open doors, pay for dinner and hold your skis. Truth alert. Ditch your expectations and mutually agree rules unless you’re being paid for by the hour.

 

  • Being told that men are rubbish at communicating. Truth alert. All humans are unique and communicate differently. Accept and love each other’s differences. Use patience and compassion to resolve and appreciate differences.  Regardless of gender.

 

  • Being told it’s not OK for a man to get angry or to cry. Truth alert. Anger is merely an expression of unmet needs.  A visceral reaction to a physical feeling in the body of being misunderstood or unclear about what to do or say next.  I salute angry people who are taking responsibility for their feelings and seeking to understand themselves. To cry is to be emotionally connected and powerful.  It’s a physical cleansing of our being.  Bottled up emotions may result in physical violence, self-loathing and ultimately low self-esteem and depression.

 

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If someone has an opinion about you, know that it’s based on their limited perspective and understanding of themselves.  Most people don’t understand themselves.  My general rule of thumb: take other people’s opinions with a pinch of salt.  Then proceed to chuck it over your shoulder far far away.

 

 

 

 

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Is Fashion Flawless?

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Two of my favourite fashionable folk are Lady Gaga and the late Steve Jobs. You might be thinking I’ve lost my marbles?  Gaga chooses to wear bacon while the late Gates showed up like he had no bacon.   In our fast-paced and often fickle world that sees fashion inspired colours and collections being replaced each season I’m most impressed by those individuals who play with their own unique style according to how it enhances their personality.   They appear to use apparel and accessories to embody and express the values they chose to live by.   I applaud those free styling outliers, who chose to be less influenced by the fear inspired way many of us appear to consume fashion.

Frills, metallic, studs and neons are all fun clothing embellishments and styles that embody the essence of fashion at different times.   But when this frilly fun factor is then cloaked by a commercial fear based agenda designed to make people subconsciously feel excluded and different e.g. not normal (mass populous fear is inspired through inducing feelings of lack, shame and self-loathing e.g. you are not good enough,) this is precisely what I don’t love about this industry. I am aware the fashion industry is a business whose objective is to drive sales, but this strategy is seemingly dismissive and disrespectful of the sometimes-related negative effect on men and women’s self-esteem and other associated behavioural challenges such as eating disorders and bullying.  The fashion magazines are notorious for featuring   computer enhanced images of slim line models. Why?  With the intention of shaming their audiences into believing the average size 14/16 is not ‘normal’.  I don’t love that I’m shamed into believing my breasts   are not ‘normal’ as are unable to defy gravity as per their featured super slim line model.  These stylized images tend to be coupled with a fear based sales story, designed to again subconsciously influence us into making a product purchase.  Offering an impartial blow by blow explanation why this seasons new push up, balconette beauty of a bra is a must have.  Right now!  You must have it!  Cue the mass panic to buy before this heavily featured item sells out or before the young kids in Bangladesh need to take a rest from the production lines which will then impact on supplies into stores.   Don’t forget the must have, pull me in, waist high revolutionary designed denim jeans never been seen before on anyone other than the legend of Taylor Swift.  Both jean and bra items are made available with frills, studs and a splash of neon.  Phew.  I wouldn’t want to stand out and be perceived as being unique in any form that sees me as individual and different.

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Please don’t misunderstand me, I love feeling elegant.  I love great quality and well-fitting clothes.  What I don’t love is a commercial engine such as the fashion industry, shaming me into feeling like I’m not enough. Not thin enough.  Not cool enough. Not ruffled or metallized enough.

Enough is enough.  I am enough.  As are you.  Even when wearing four seasons old apparel with colours that serve to enhance the mood I wish to evoke for my day, vs colours, styles and shapes the brands have decided to make us feel we need to purchase from them.

(Feck fashion) If you can be anything, be a unique and individual version of you.  You’re incredible.

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Property Paradoxes

Some of you may be familiar with me from my days hosting property shows for different television channels.  Or perhaps I designed or bought a house for, or from you.  I’m obsessed with home design and would rather shop for property, than for clothes any day of the week.

 

My other passion, aside from property is people and their behaviour.   You might be surprised, but it’s possible to glean a lot of information about the way someone choses to live, from their choice of interiors.  Listen up.

 

The Elle decoration sheeples;

This tribe follow trends. To a T. Last season’s antique whites are replaced with the current trend for stiffkey blue and will soon be a distant memory once rose gold hits the stores.   This crew possess little creative imagination other than hiding Selfridges and Totties receipts from their significant others.  A lack of creativity is overshadowed by their resourcefulness to walk into select furniture ateliers (now world famous thanks to the unsung heroes of the design world aka Man. U and City footballers.) and to purchase entire staged furniture sections to reproduce as part of their regional version of Versailles.

 

These homes are ergonomically easy on the eye and aesthetically uncomfortable.  The bricks and mortar design/interiors are wired for admiration vs relaxation.  The sofas set the tone with their Botox inspired taut and wrinkle free appearance.  (That only a prick feels comfort from.)  With their surfaces, pristine and free of impact from the human torso, this is a home designed to be photographed by OK magazine.  Admired by individuals who consider money as an important measure of a person’s success.  The domain of the maleficent marriage.

 

The mismatched mosh pit;

This tribe set up their home as an invitation to love.  Colors and schemes are decided upon based on the inhabitant’s different individual’s needs and desires.  Pictures scatter atop tables, nestled within beloved frames that form memories of times spent experiencing precious moments.  Bed linen and sofas are purchased to inspire relaxation or sensuality depending on whose where and when.  Room layouts are dictated by the flow and feel of the humans who live and breathe within of its walls.  This home is a pulsating muscle that draws on love and good vibes.  With flowers and candles spilling their scents around randomly to remind every crevice it’s loved. The owners of the M and M pit, see their home as an opportunity to live, laugh and love within of it.

 

So, if you’re starting a relationship or new friendship and spot their sofa, I encourage you to take a pew and have a squish. (And please do be mindful to avoid the pricks.)