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What not to MISS..

Here are some ways of behaving not to miss out on.  Guaranteed to put the jingle back into your jangle over this fabulous festive season.

 

Grateful.  For this past two years I’ve been involved with supporting a local Cheshire based charity helping 3000 plus kids to enjoy a Christmas.   There are thousands of local kids who live on our doorsteps that are are waking up to abuse, domestic violence and homelessness.  Help them, by not missing out on giving what money you can afford to: justgiving/crowdfunding/theToyappeal.  Together we can share in putting a smile on their precious little faces for this one day.

 

Kind. Being kind is not kind if it compromises your truth.   So, pretending you like someone in order to keep the peace makes you a phony and is kind to no one.  It’s manipulative and deceitful behaviour meaning no one knows truthfully where anyone stands or what anyone is saying is true.   To choose to be phony simply means you’re scared of something. What?  Some grumpy person’s words back to you?  Telling another person to shhhhssshtt is being kind and absolutely is not rude.  I know that many of you reading this couldn’t imagine telling someone to shush up, but being what some consider rude is in fact kinder.  How? You’re choosing to stand in your truth and power by creating healthy boundaries.  Say no to gossip, blame and shame fuelled chat.

 

A chance to shut up.  This period is a time for family and friends to come together, choosing to connect sometimes via forced and fake encounters often based on guilt and obligation.  For anyone who this scenario applies to, I imagine it is tough.  If you’re the one at the table who is the person offering an opinion about another person’s life, know it’s not OK (unless you’re Oprah) and I suggest this is the moment for you to showcase your new personality. Yes, debate the weather and yes debate a contract and yes share your thoughts about the food.  No, it’s not OK to debate the personality or choices of another human being.  None of anyone’s business. Your new way of being may shock and startle your friends and family members into genuinely wanting to be around you next year. For any drive by opinion types feeling extra brave, it’s possible to deepen the Christmas experience via a program called; it’s not important whose right and is more important what’s right.  This does call for listening to understand vs listening in order to form an opinion about how to respond and may be a sleigh ride too far.

 

Ho Ho Ho.  With love and reindeer kisses.

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Happy Holidays!

My son is obsessed with ‘family’ and for him the Christmas holiday period seems to be the time he craves to be at home and around people he loves the most.  While I’m suggesting to him travel options and surreptitiously planting pics of exquisite Indonesian elephants or calming coral reefs under his nose, his intention is the complete opposite to mine.  While it’s true I love all my friends and family, there’s few I’m inspired to be around a table with for more than a couple of hours and the ones who light my fire live around the world.  What to do?

 

Although we are mother and son, our conflicting needs got me to thinking about the dynamics that a difference of opinions can inspire in two individuals irrespective of relationship status.

 

So, here’s a list of my favourite behavioural life hacks to help avoid conflict during a difference of opinion over this festive period.

 

1/Remember if you’re choosing to have a conversation with someone or to engage with another human, you’re not being forced against your will.  On that basis (unless Mercury is still in retrograde,) it’s your choice to be in this exact position.  Chose to enjoy the process.  Frowning inspires wrinkles.

 

2/Accept differences.  Know that there are 7 billion of us and we are each perfectly imperfect and unique humans who are a complicated mix of thoughts, choices and beliefs.   All unique to our past, present and future experiences.

 

3/Understand relationships are illuminators of what is unresolved within of ourselves. Through your negative feelings, these highlight what it is needed to learn about yourself.  No one was born judgmental, feeling guilty and with shame inspired self-talk.  We learn this way of thinking and behaving. Unlearn.

 

4/Never take anything personally another human says or does.  It’s a reflection of what’s alive within of themselves.

 

5/Expectations are a source of our sadness. When they’re not satisfied and when we understand our thoughts can be controlled, why then would we choose to be sad?  If an expectation could potentially lead us towards sadness then drop the expectation and chose to replace with acceptance for what is. Makes sense, right?

 

6/Listen to understand. A common communication style is to blame, judge and denigrate. This is a child’s style of behaving and instead chose to ask powerful questions such as, ‘What do you need from me?’. Seek to clarify in order to understand instead of making assumptions which are essentially projections of your understanding of a situation.

 

7/ Watch for words used such as ‘should’ ‘need’ and ‘ought’ to.. These are used by people who don’t feel passionately about their choices and are inspired by guilt, blame and shame. Seek to make choices based on your wants and passions.  What will set your soul on fire?

 

Pierce and I will agree to do both, we’ll satisfy my wanderlust spirit with some juicy travel plans and combine this with a love fuelled fiesta somewhere fun.  Happy holidays friends.

 

 

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Newsflash: You’re UNIQUE

News flash, the avocado, matche, gluten free grapefruit diet is likely not going to help you achieve your health goal. In other news, my full fat fuelled lifestyle hacks may help you get over this revelation.

 

Psychologically, anything that serves to make you feel there’s something you’re being deprived of will automatically see you emotionally shift into a survival and scarcity mode of thinking.   This elimination and reduction process of dinosaur dieting will serve to inspire you to think more about what you’re supposed to not be thinking about, craving and desiring.  Imagine for just a moment, I ask you not to think about a pink elephant.  What do you automatically default to thinking about?  This same process happens with diets.  I tell you not to eat chocolate, sugar, candy and crisps and suddenly you find yourself dreaming of it.  Instead, chose to add food and flavours to your nutritional lifestyle choices and the neurological effect is to make the process feel more exciting, colourful and filling.

 

There’s 7 billion of us each with unique neurological and DNA codes. Why anyone gets frustrated or dejected that the low carb and hi fat diet isn’t successful for them and is clearly working for Brenda and Sheghla defies common sense.  You’re a perfectly unique and complicated cocktail of choices and coding that means your responsibility is to play with food and exercise and to figure out a personalised blend that works for you.  Pimp your food. I chose to never mix fat and carbs, I sweeten with honey, I hydrate with flavoured teas and create smoothies with cashew milk for extra creaminess.  Works for me.  Any other bicoastal, single mums who are 44 years old with hypothyroidism, one ovary and 2 dogs hit me up for my ‘diet’ plan, guaranteed results.  Oi vey.

 

Food and your lifestyle are not the cause of you being underweight or overweight.  Your mindset is the reason you have not reached your goal. Within your mind you have a section marked thoughts and beliefs and within the mind of anyone with failed goals you’ll find a black room called: Failure is an option.  Your room will be filled full of reasons, excuses and stories why you should, can and ought to give up on pursuing your dreams.  There’ll be evidence, graphs and opinions galore to support your choices. In contrast, the mind-set of someone who is committed to achieving their goals will be simpler.  It’s laser sharp focused and minimalist.  The mind of someone who is disciplined and consistent is streamlined and crystal clear.  Their room is called; you can do it. #whateverittakes

 

Just like a caterpillar morphs into a butterfly, the process of transformation is irreversible.  Adopt this same mind set with your body and mind to feel nourished, wholesome and healthy. Let’s leave the quick fixes featuring short cuts, for our beloved home makeover shows. RIP.

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Evolution Explained via Behaviour

Some of the latest behavioural trends I’ve spotted sweeping our picturesque planet include the following feast of flavours;

 

1/Listening to understand.  Record numbers of people are taking the opportunity to shut up and listen so that they are better able to understand the needs of others.  Why?  They genuinely are seeking to connect to each other though the progressive movement of improved communications. Active listening is an epidemic spreading through Government’s and political establishments.   Filtering through to households around the world seeing the number of divorces and legal disputes slide to an all-time low.

 

2/To understand that everyone is dealing with some battle we don’t know about and to choose not to take the actions, words and behaviour of others personally.   People have been spotted all around the country displaying compassion to what history has chronicled as ‘angry’ types. This compassion filled movement is inspiring ‘angry’ types to seek therapeutic help for further behavioural intervention techniques. The effect is affecting the GDP (now measured by happiness levels) in 72% of countries worldwide.

 

3/Humans are choosing to take responsibility for their actions and feelings vs. blaming, shaming and judging others.  The effect is to observe a surge in increasingly fulfilled humans who are making better relationship choices. Better food and work choices and generally are more passionate and optimistic about life’s possibilities.

 

4/Record numbers of humans are understanding that a thought is a set of stories and beliefs and is something that can be changed as desired.  There’s a surge in faith and love fuelled thoughts that are encouraging and inspiring more passion fuelled choices and having a positive effect on the environment’s that people are choosing to immerse themselves in.  Fear based archaic survival based thoughts are soon to be awarded a place in the British museum next to the long extinct Dodo.

 

5/Parents, teachers and the media are inspiring kids and each other how to think vs what to think.  This is encouraging a trend of passionate and creative humans who are able to think outside of the box and advance evolution, technology and human life.

 

6/Adversity and problems are being perceived as gifts, that are designed to enhance our emotional wellbeing through the consideration of alternative perspectives and the acceptance that what is here now, is perfect for our journey.

 

7/Gratitude and appreciation is recognised as being the most effective technique to achieve fulfilment in one’s self and life.  Regardless of the judgment and assumptions we attach to a situation, millions of humans are engaging in the practice of gratitude to achieve peace and power in any given moment.

 

8/Kindness is considered a powerful way of being and no longer regarded as a weakness.

 

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The Art of Romance

 

I was recently in NYC at an elegant gallery soiree and walked slap straight into a man who caused my heart to stop momentarily.  In that starry encounter, I thought to myself I may never see him again but that same moment also reminded me that chemistry absolutely exists between two humans.  A scintillating, exhilarating exchange and a reminder of what is possible.  It was even more of a surprise when he suggested taking me for lunch in Cheshire over the coming weekend and an even more delicious surprise when he arrived just as he had promised.  Artful romance?

 

For me, the words and promises made by this man were not what I considered romantic.   What was fresh, new and romantic was his choice to follow them up with positive action.  He chose to follow through on his word, taking them from what could have been left at empty and hollow to instead creating an entire plethora of progressive possibilities.   The sort of man who can take an empty word and fil it with the authentic and messy magic of integrity inspired actions –  I consider to be romantic.  Romantic?  Indeed.

 

‘. But where are the shoes, flowers and handbags?’  I hear you call.

 

A slap-up dinner, designer handbag or bunch of blooms has historically been considered a romantic gesture and I challenge you to rethink if this is always truthful.  Potentially this ‘romantic gift’ concept has become somewhat prehistoric; it can be viewed as one dimensional and sometimes misleading.    Picture the scene; an oversized orange box tied with a black bow is received and contains a gorgeous grey calfskin Hermes handbag.  All nestled cozily within the swathes of the brand’s exquisite tissue paper.  As I opened what many might consider a box of magic, I instead felt I was viewing a can of ugly wiggly worms.  Worms?  Did I consider any part of this massive £4,000 gesture romantic?  No! It was sent to me after I’d discovered my then partner’s infidelities by way of a quick fix apology.  Therapy, I would have considered a romantic gesture.  Personal development with the intention of getting to the root of the challenge I applaud.  But plastering over a wound with a simple to buy and expensive gift is not romantic. See the difference?

 

The art of romance begins and ends with loving multi-dimensional intentions. Love is truthful, Love is patient, Love is kind, love is honest and love is filled with integrity.  These words for me embody the true art of romance.  Much love to you all.

 

 

 

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The Meaning of Life.

I’m curious what the word inspiring means for you?  For a word to mean something to you, at some point you’ll have chosen to attach a story or belief to it to give your unique flavor, spice and seasoning.  My meaning of the word inspirational is awarded to any human who has overcome adversity by identifying a learned pattern of limiting behavior within of themselves, replacing it and then using their transformation to inspire others. My inspirational male tribe include; Tony Robbins, Grant Cardone and Ryan Blair. I’m curious what you view as inspirational?  Money? Looks? Type of school attended?  Some believe inspirational is a feeling while others associate it with objects.

 

You see there’s no right and wrong answer or meaning you can attach to any word.  What’s important is that you’re clear on the meaning –  you –  attach to words and situations.  Why?  Well the meaning you chose to attach can affect the quality of your life including your happiness.  Yes.  The meaning you chose to attach to a word will impact on your happiness and feeling fulfilled.   How?

 

Imagine these meanings (thoughts/beliefs/stories) of words swimming around in your body, like a pool filled with many different words. Now Imagine them all collectively hurtling down a windy wet water slide and watch for what pops out the other end in a gigantic splash!  It’s your choices.  Whoosh!  Our thoughts/meanings/stories and beliefs inspire our choices.  Simple.  So, each day we make thousands of choices, including simple ones that see us choosing whether we wish to take the fast pool slide, the bumpy version or to skip the slide all together.   It’s from these choices and our unique ride through the slide of our thoughts/meanings/beliefs and stories, we end up attracting specific experiences and certain types of people.

 

Let’s again continue with your meaning of inspirational.  If you were running the story (meaning/thought/belief) that to be inspiring equated to how much money you earn and you had made a choice to live as a nomad in a ram shackled caravan and off the welfare you might see how this incongruence would affect your happiness and wellbeing.  You’d spend your days judging and blaming yourself that you’ll never come to anything of value in your life.  That ‘inspirational’ people live in million dollar houses and not caravans.  Which is why it’s so important to challenge your thoughts/meanings/beliefs and stories to ensure they are of your unique flavor and not acquired from your parents/society etc.  The nomad was living a life created via an unstable foundation of faulty thinking.  He will never achieve true happiness as clearly his meaning/thoughts/beliefs/stories of what is inspirational, were learned from someone else and not of his own flavor.

 

Find your own flavors friends and avoid the infirm foundation of faulty thinking.

 

 

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How are You?

 

 

 

How are you?  Perhaps you’re at a point in life where you feel fulfilled and on track or maybe you feel stuck, angry, disappointed and frustrated?  Imagine if I told you it’s possible each day to feel like you’re the best of British, (regardless of your geographic origins.). Would you like to wake up each morning and just as your feet hit the floor, the excitement of your new day begins to build up inside of you?

It is possible, to each day feel like your best version of self and here’s some of my most favourite life hacks:

 

  • Accept that life will be filled with challenges, people and situations that push your buttons. The quality of your life will be determined by the quality of your thinking in relation to these.
  • Understand life is a journey and the quality of your experience of this journey is the way you choose to approach life each minute of each day. Grumpy or grateful?
  • Become aware that the way you approach life is based upon your choices. To make no choice in a situation is a choice.  Your choices will be affected depending whether your thoughts are based on fear and scarcity or power and trust.
  • Consider the perspective we are not shaped by our environment but instead by the choices we make. The choices we make are inspired by our thoughts.  When we chose, love fueled thoughts e.g. powerful and with the knowledge we are safe and protected, our choices are affected positively and vice versa.
  • Our thoughts are personal to us and we can control, replace and challenge our thoughts. Some of our thoughts are learned from our childhood and once we become increasingly aware of which thoughts no longer serve us, we can replace with others that do.
  • To become increasingly aware of our thoughts we quiet our mind through various techniques such as meditation, walking in nature, eliminating sugar, stress and processed food from our lives. We exercise regularly and surround ourselves with people who inspire and support our transformation into daily happiness.  We choose to eliminate gossip, blame, shame and judgment from our life.  These are actions and behavior born from fear filled thoughts and don’t serve our bigger picture of achieving daily happiness.
  • Understand no is a complete sentence and you’re not required to justify or explain yourself unless you wish
  • Doing what you love and spending money and time on yourself is not selfish. Au contraire, it’s a selfless act of love that will see you become increasingly able to offer others more love and kindness because of your refreshed and fulfilled self.

 

I’m looking forward to bumping into your best self around Cheshire.  Much love and light.